The Facebook Epidemic

You know what's weird?

Facebook.

It's so handy... yet so annoying.

It seems that everyone has access to it these days. All of your cousins have it. All of your friends at school are on your page. Kids whose shoes you've stepped on friend request you simply because you two made eye contact and hey, it's one more 'facebook friend'. I actually started deleting a bunch of my 'friends' who aren't really friends because it was beginning to creep me out. I don't want these strangers reading my conversations and knowing my musical tastes. It's freaking weird. Facebook stalking is on threat level orange.

Ahhh. Facebook stalking. EVERYONE who has a Facebook page can admit to it. Admit it. You've done it at least once. You're bored. You see a random person update a page, and you click their profile and then proceed to go through their photos, read their wall comments, and then go to some other person's page to read the second half of the conversation. Being on this other person's page gets you further away from your original point of clicking, and pretty soon you are lost in the realms of Facebook and you find yourself friend requesting some random person you've neither seen nor met in real life. The only image you have of them is a one by one inch blurry camera phone photo on their info page. Yet, you're sitting there reading personal details about their life.

It's freaking weird. I often don't follow these trends and stuff, but I have a Facebook page and I have found myself Facebook creeping, as I call it. It's like an epidemic! I don't even realize I'm doing it sometimes. I'm trying desperately to get away and avoid the site lately, but it keeps drawing me in.

It's like a little brainwashing army division of the power hungry Internet war force. For a while, every time someone posted a wall comment on my profile, or commented on a picture, or put up their own picture, or changed their status, I got an email. I would come home from school with about 20 or so Facebook emails on stuff I don't really need to be alerted for. It was everywhere. My email goes straight to my phone as well as my computer, for college updates and stuff, so every email goes there. I couldn't leave the house without Facebook harassing me with it's little ways of trying to get me to sign on to the site at every waking moment! They want my brain.

Speaking of every waking moment... Facebook status lines are REALLY ANNOYING. People feel the need to inform us of their every move.
"Betty is: doing homework.
Betty is: going to bed.
Betty is: really mad!
Betty is: playing with the cat. Me-ow! Lawl.
Betty is: going to work.
Betty is: sharpening her knife before killing the neighbors!
Betty is: gutting a fish.
Betty is: on the toilet. Hey guys!
Betty is: now a lamp.
Betty is: DddRUnKK!@@$%!*&dsg4543
Betty is: effing annoying! Isn't that kewl gaiz!? Yea! Yay!
Betty is: SUPER HARDCORE."

COME ON! It's frustrating. No one needs to know that much. And people feel the need to change them every twenty minutes. "Oh no! I'm not actually doing that activity anymore! I need to change my status! I can't lie or let people think that I died in the five minutes I've been away from the computer!"

And the pictures? All these girls half clothed and holding cups of booze while they stick out their tongues and pose with their stupid drunken friends... Save it for myspace where there's no respect to begin with. Facebook started as a college networking site, which was a flawed, but decent, idea. Highschoolers ruin everything.

The 'groups' application is an intriguing aspect. You can find people with just about any awkward interest you have. Someone will have created a group for it, and if you make a group, someone is bound to join it. 'Pimple Poppers of Michigan'. 'LOTR Hardcore Elven Wannabes United!'. 'I Lick Windows for Fun'. 'Acid Trips on Tuesdays'. 'My Middle Name is Alfred'. It's freaking weird, man. People do some weird sh** and they openly share it on this site. It's as if Facebook is this secret diary that everyone writes in together and forgets that they are writing in together.

People learn so much gossip from Facebook. We don't even need verbal gossip anymore. It always starts with "I heard on Facebook that..." or "Did you Facebook Terry? Ohmigawd, you won't believe what Shane posted on her wall!" Gossip has a new dimension. I learn a lot about who is dating who from Facebook. You can post who you are dating and if you are in a relationship in an application on the site. A little heart appears whenever you update that part. It's funny, when you get rid of a relationship because of a breakup or something, a little broken heart shows up in the updates. It ends the need to inform people in person that you are back on the market.

It creeps me out even more when parents and teachers and other adults join Facebook and friend request you. Since anyone can join. You know if a teacher joins, they are going to Facebook stalk... and use the information against you. Imagine a teacher saying something like, "Hey I was on your Facebook last night and saw that you had to do the dishes before going out and getting hammered with Steve and Rob last night." What the flip?! It's happened. I know it's happened.

There is no more private life. The sad thing is that people choose all that's put up on their page. They ask for the weirdness and intrusion. I have a site, but only because it's the only place to learn anything about people from these days. "Oh hey, what kind of movies are you into?"..."Just Facebook me later." "Are you free Saturday night?"..."I don't really know. What does my status say?"

Forget about the cure for the common cold. There is a new disease we need to focus on...

-Lynne, who just might Facebook stalk you later.